Both Jesus
and the Apostle Paul spoke about marriage and divorce in the Bible. They would
often speak about both topics interchangeably.
Jesus was concerned about the state of relationships, and was the reason
he of ten spoke about “the kingdom of God.” In this kingdom, the motive behind
an action was of great concern; more than the emotions. As humans, we often
react based on the subjective, rather than the objective. At the same time, one
may see an outward act and not know the motive (subjective) behind the act. To
make his point, he taught the Sermon on the Mount (Mat. 5-7).
Divorce was rampant
Here’s the
thing, the divorce culture of this time accommodated their sinful lives and
ushered in a period of rampant divorce. Macarthur states that Rabbi Hilel
allowed divorce for any reason:
“For any reason, unload that
woman.” The men were the leaders in this divorce and you could divorce your
wife for burning your dinner, for spinning around so that somebody saw her
ankles. For letting her hair down, not metaphorically, but literally, for
speaking to a man, for making a negative comment about your mother, or for
finding someone else that you preferred. And you were obligated to divorce her
if she was infertile. That was the reigning view.”[1]
On his way
to Jerusalem, the religious leaders accosted him with a question about divorce.
It was their intent to discredit him. They wished for him to condemn all
divorcees, seeing that it was the common practice of the day. Up till now, men
could divorce their wives for any reason. This would be quite the confrontation.
Mark 10
Their trap: They began to question Him whether it was
lawful for a man to divorce his wife (v.2)
Jesus replied: “What did Moses command you?” (v.3)
They said,
“Moses permitted a man to
write a certificate of divorce and send her away.” (v.4)
Actually,
they were incorrect. Moses did not command divorce. Moses sought to set order.
There was already a penalty for adultery – death. Violations of Marriage was punishable by death
(Ex. 20:14,17 Lev. 20:10). People were executed for violation. Premarital sex
was punished by scourging (Lev. 19:20).
Deut. 22:22 “If
a man is found lying with a married woman, then both of them shall die, the man
who lay with the woman, and the woman; thus you shall purge the evil from
Israel.
Law of Divorce
Deuteronomy
24 “When a
man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor
in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he
writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand
and sends her out from his house, 2 and she leaves
his house and goes and becomes another man’s wife, 3 and
if the latter husband turns against her and writes her a certificate of
divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his
house, or if the latter husband dies who took her to be his wife, 4 then her former
husband who sent her away is not allowed to take her again to be his wife,
since she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the Lord,
and you shall not bring sin on the land which the Lord your God gives
you as an inheritance.
Indecency here refers to customary reasons
originally not noticed by the husband – indecency, an improper or immodest act,
infertility, physical defect, annoying behavior, personality trait, an
unverifiable suspicion of adultery.[2]
Verse 4 here is the only command. Once divorced, YOU CANNOT TAKE HIM OR HER
BACK! Moses was saying that you cannot go back and divorce an
illegitimately divorced woman. This was no permission to divorce…
Moses
was simply putting some order to an already difficult situation. Without “a
letter of divorce” the woman could not remarry, and very often, if they were “put
out,” not being able to fend for themselves meant putting the woman in a
compromising situation (adultery).
This
is why the husband would give her the dowry so that they would have means to
survive. “What Moses said was that they could no longer treat their wives this
way. If men were going to run off to second wives for “any reason,” they must
give their first wives bills of divorcement.[3]” In order to protect women the law as set by
Moses (not God) was:
1. Write her a bill of divorcement;
(2) Give it to her; (3) Send her away (with something)
To put all
of this in context, know that Jesus was aiming for the heart. Why do we do what
we do in the first place? Why the need for divorce? Notice what Jesus said:
Mark 10 5 But Jesus said to them, “Because of
your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment.
They were
leaving their wives without hope; loss of hope for now, and without the hope of
remarrying. So Jesus issues a new understanding of the Law. It is unlawful to
leave your wives for any and every reason (usually trivial). In applying mercy
to a chaotic situation, the allowance was divorce with a stipulation. That
stipulation was adultery.
Mat. 19:4 “And I say to
you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and
marries another woman commits adultery.”
Mat. 5:32 “ I say to you that everyone
who divorces his wife, except for the reason of
unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced
woman commits adultery.”
Jesus then gives four reasons why
God hates divorce:
Mark 10: 6 But from
the beginning of creation, God made
them male and female. 7 For this reason a man shall
leave his father and mother, 8 and the two shall
become one flesh; so they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 What
therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.
1.
V.6
It was not so from the beginning (Gen, 1:27). There is no provision here for
polygamy, nor was there an option for divorce. One man, one woman, created for
each other. A pattern to follow. No provision for anyone else.
2.
V.
7 The strength of the union. You get away from the family bond and “cling” like
a glue to your wife. This is no trial. It is a oneness. It is a pursuing hard
after each other. Connected in body, mind, spirit. Exclusive! Devoted under/to
God. You are consecrated to your spouse. I am mutually connected to you. I am,
you are, the other’s possession
3.
V.8
The two becomes one flesh. Not to be divided. Oneness.
4.
V.
9. God is the one that puts it together.
It is a work of God. It is his divine plan, from which an offspring is realized
for his purposes (multiply). Every marriage is ordained by God (including
non-Christian marriages).
Sin
is the source of our conflicts
But we
know that relationships bring conflict. Divorce was rampant. Remarriage was
rampant. This is all associated with the Fall (Gen. 3). Sin. We are sinful
people. The roots of the relationship can be traced to the Genesis 3 curse. God predicts battle in the home. One with
rebellious, independent traits; the other with dominating, controlling traits.
Always a fight between the man and woman.
Sinful, strong-willed woman, versus sinful dominating man. But what God
wishes is for us to work through these situations for his glory.
Standing
on the grounds of biblical authority, Jesus goes back to the beginning – What
does the Word of God says from the beginning (of time). The approach of the
leaders was to focus on one situation, not take the whole biblical pericopae on
the issue. The authority of the Rabbi’s were not in question, and they had
developed law based on interpretation of the text. How do you question the Word
(interpreted)? Jesus did not condone divorce.
Properly understood, there is no need for divorce if we go back to the
beginning.
The Old
Testament perspective on the issue:
Neh.
13; Mal. 2
·
Deut. 7
·
Ezra 10 – mass divorce as a response to the
evil of idolatry. Intermarriages were disastrous for God’s kingdom. God saw
intermarriages as immoral. How do godly mix with the immoral people of the
other nations. Looking at marriage from a spiritual standpoint, God has put up
with his unfaithful people and their idolatrous, immoral actions.
·
Isaiah 50:1 – Why? Put up with them and their actions for 700
years
·
Jeremiah 3 – God says “I have had
enough” I thought she would return to
me after all she did…but no. Then God issues a divorce. The nations were given
over to the Assyrians first, then the massacre of God’s people ensued. Lost in
history. Lost their identity and possessions. Babylon came later on the scene
at took away Judah.
·
Matthew 1 – Joseph was to issue a divorce to
his wife. When capital punishment is not enforced, divorce was allowed for a
fornicating partner. A righteous partner had that right. Adultery is therefore
the one thing that breaks God’s forever bond. God divorced his wife for
adultery.
Up to this
point in divine revelation the only grounds for divorce is adultery. However,
adultery does not necessarily mean one has to get divorce. Hosea is the example
for this. There is a place for restoration and forgiveness. The aim here is to
break the pattern. Where there is unrepentant behavior, an unwillingness to get
it right… then….divorce.
Note – Where there is grounds for
divorce, there is always grounds for remarriage. One partner is unfaithful to
the other. Does this leave the other stuck? No!
How does
Christ treat his church? That’s the model for us. We treat each other as we
would Christ. No one is perfect. A spouse can be a sanctifying influence.
Marriage is God’s plan.
Divorce & Remarriage – 1 Corinthians 7
During the
First Century, there was immense appreciation for ascetic practices that
included celibacy. In response to a letter from the churches, the Apostle Paul
writes to address prevailing concerns.
He will make the case that while there is good to celibacy, not all people are
“called to it.” Celibacy would not be the normative practice; marriage is, as
with marriage comes a greater degree of wholeness (not good for man to be
alone, cf. Ge. 2:18). Paul prefers celibacy (singleness) in light of the
present environment , but it is not something he can impose upon everyone, as
celibacy/singleness is a gift from God
26 I
think then that this is good in view of the present distress,
that it is good for a man to remain as he is.”
Context: The situation of the Corinthians is needful
of exploration before diving into the 7th chapter. It seems the
culture of Corinth pervaded the church. It had gone very far off the path of
righteousness. There were divisions, disorders and difficulties within this
church. The world was in the church! Chapter 6, verses 12-20 dealt with the
issue of sexual purity, leading into chapter 7 on marriage. Keep in mind that Corinth was a den of sexual
immorality, religious prostitution and the like. One of the prevailing themes
of the latter part of chapter six was that of personal liberty – how far? Their
reasoning was that since food “was both pleasurable and necessary, and the
stomach to be satisfied when it signaled hunger,” so too was the need for sex.[4] Paul draws a sharp
distinction here by stating that the body was not meant for sexual immorality,
especially since it was God’s temple (6:15-17;6:14). He encourages believers to
flee sexual immorality (like Joseph; Gen. 39:12) and consider how it affects
both the vertical and horizontal relationships (6:17-20). It is within this
context that many advocated celibacy, and began to impact husband and wife
relationships/duties to each other.
Verse 1-2 He begins “Now, concerning the things about which
you wrote, it is good for a man not to
touch a woman”
Some had
abandoned their duty to their married partner, even abandonment in light of the
Corinthian climate. “Not to touch a woman” was a euphemism for sexual
intercourse. One cannot be celibate in marriage, because this would only lead
to immorality. Sex is a necessary part of marriage (7:3-4)
3 The
husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to
her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority
over her own body, but the husband does;
and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but
the wife does.”
As an unmarried person, the focus should be serving God (7:32). Married
folks have the additional obligation to meet each other’s needs. That of itself
becomes the source of conflicts (7:32-4; Gen. 3:16). With immorality being so
prevalent, and fornication so common, Paul advised the brethren to get married
2 But
because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to
have her own husband.”
Please note that he is not saying that this is the only reason for
getting married.
Now.
Regarding marriage. “Each partner has rights. It is expected that they pay
their dues (ten opheilen). This is a
habitual duty. He stresses “the importance of giving rather than getting.
Marriage is the giving of oneself to
another.”[5]
3 The
husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to
her husband.
Married
people do not have the right to do as the please with their bodies to the
disadvantage of the other person. Both have obligations to the other. Both are
on the same level (do not have the authority over the other). There is an
expectation of reciprocity – “the emphasizing of responsibilities to satisfy
the other.”[6]
And in no way is sexual activity a defilement within the bounds of marriage
4 The
wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband
does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.”
Having thus
far set the expectations for marriage, consider the now the ethos of the
marriage divorce debate.
Paul says,
“I wish you were like me – single” (7:7). Jewish men were required to be
married and with children by the age of twenty. And Paul had at one time been
married (Acts 26:10), having been a member of the Jewish Sanhedrin. Maybe he
was a widower; maybe his wife left him when he became a Christian. We do not
know. But he recognizes that not all men
(and women) can handle being single. Singleness (true) is a gift from God. He
therefore affirms that singleness/celibacy is a good thing.
7 Yet
I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has
his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that.
Exceptions
for Marriage & Divorce
Divorce is acceptable under only
three circumstances:
1. Death
of a spouse
2. (Unrepentant
unfaithfulness) Immorality
3. Abandonment
1.
Divorcees
may remarry – It is a good thing if they remain unmarried, in the service of
the Lord. However, as a single person, not able to contain themselves, it is
better to remarry (especially in light of the immoralities of the day)
8 But
I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they
remain even as I. 9 But if they do not have
self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
Again, the
context. “Many in Corinth were beginning to think that sexual activity was
wrong, and engaged couples were avoiding tying the know. Paul was giving them a
divine command that they should not frustrate themselves. Of course, it is the
responsibility of each person to exercise self-control
9 Or do
you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of
God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers,
nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, 10 nor
thieves, nor the covetous,
nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of
God.
2.
Stay Married – Given the pervading view on sex,
Paul commands married people to “stay married. Do not get divorced” for God
hates divorce (Mk. 10:2-12).
·
However,
if you are separated from your spouse, remain that way or get back together (be
reconciled).
·
Divorce
only comes into play with the exception
Mat. 5 32 But
I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes
her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits
adultery.
Mat. 19 9 And I
say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality,
and marries another woman commits adultery.”
3. Abandonment
- There were those in the church that were married
before conversion. Converting to Christianity was becoming a problem for these
folks. Because of their willingness to serve Christ, some were beginning to
think it was better to divorce their spouse and marry Christians. Imagine the
mess this would cause! One can make an excellent case for leaving the
unbelieving spouse, but all marriages are permanent in the eyes of God:
If any brother has a wife who is an
unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce
her. 13 And
a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she
must not send her husband away.
15 Yet
if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not
under bondage in such cases,
but God has called us to peace.
“If the
unbeliever takes the initiative, then the believer is NOT BOUND.”[7] The deserted partner is free to
remarry, as the broad concern for God is PEACE. Keep in mind that we ought to
consider the possibility that God may save the partner because of the other’s
testimony
16 For
how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you
know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?
Here’s the thing. Marriage should never be a tool for evangelism. How
does this command shape those who seek to marry an unbeliever with the hopes of
“saving them?” “To cling to a marriage in which the pagan is determined to end
would inevitably lead to frustration and tension. The guiding principle must be
peace.”[8]
At the end
of the day, we should live contented lives
17 Only, as
the Lord has assigned to each one, as God has called each, in this manner let
him walk. And so I direct in all the churches.
Note: “Divorce is NOT an unpardonable sin.
God hates divorce, but he loves divorcees. Any sin but the unpardonable sin
(blaspheming the Holy Spirit) is covered under the blood when we repent and
seek God’s forgiveness.”[9]
Proof? Take
note of Jesus’ dealings with the Samaritan woman in John 4. Also take note of
his treatment of the adulterous woman in John 8.
[2] Nelson,
Richard D., and Cox, Jennifer K. Deuteronomy : a Commentary First
paperback edition. Louisville, Kentucky: Westminster John Knox Press, 2004.
[3]
Myles Monroe, Single, Married, Separated, & Life After Divorce,
(Shippensburg, PA: Destiny Image, 2003).
[4]
John F. Walvoord & Roy B. Zuck, The Bible Knowledge Commentary, (Colorado
Springs: David C. Cook, 1983).
[6]
Walvoord & Zuck, Commentary, 517.
[7]
Morris, 1 Corinthians, 7.
[8]
Ibid., 8.
[9]
Monroe. Marriage, 2003.
Written by Pastor Kevin Hall (07.2019)
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